apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
