I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
