i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
