God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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