it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
