Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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