that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
