dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
