I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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