you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
