The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
