After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
