And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
