I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
