i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
