Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
