we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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