Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
