1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
where are you?
Hypothermia
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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