come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
