yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
