i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
