what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
