My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
