Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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