He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
