Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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