I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
