READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
