Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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