The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
