Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
