i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
