Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
