I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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