Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
