Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
