she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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