My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
