I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I want a musical about memes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
