Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
