You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
