Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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