idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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