He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
