I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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