Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
