you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
