Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
