Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
