I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
