Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
