It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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